13 day wedding.

I would just like to start by saying, this is going to be a LONG, raw and real post. Hope you're ready for a 

novel.

Michael is in the Utah military and every summer he goes to training for three-ish months. One day, I was at the temple and randomly decided to call him, knowing he couldn't and wouldn't answer but, he did. Michael then told me he "told all the people in Utah maybe October would be a good time to come down for a wedding". Mind you, we aren't even engaged yet. I then obviously freaked out and like the control freak I am, started making plans, hired a wedding planner (don't know why) told all my family and friends, started looking at venues, picking colors, the whole nine. 

Michael came home. We didn't get to talk a whole lot while he was gone, hardly at all actually. When he came home to visit in July though, we talked about this wedding I had been planning. Of course I was expecting him to actually propose, be excited, want to help. He didn't, nope, not at all. As a wedding planner and a girl, I NEEDED ANSWERS and also I NEEDED TIME to plan things. My incessant prying, questioning, digging and getting incredibly upset did not help my case at all. Michael went back to Utah and this "wedding" was off. 

I was obviously super upset and resentful towards him. I was embarrassed, hurt, confused, and to be quite honest I was really questioning whether Michael actually did want to marry me or even honestly, be with me at all. I was worried I pushed him away, I was worried I completely smothered him and I was worried he was going to think I was crazy, legitimately. 

 Right after all of this had happened, I made a very fast decision, 4 days fast, to convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Strongly against my families will. I had researched the church as much as I could, and I did believe it was true but the thing that drew me to my decision was the church's devoutness to family and relationships. I had seen countless amounts of my friends get married, be happy, start families and I was the LAST one. All of my relationships had failed. Michael is LDS. At that point in our relationship I truly believed that my conversion was the only thing that would help our relationship. I thought it would show him that I was really serious. I thought, even though he never once said it, Michael needed me to convert to be "okay" with spending the rest of his life with me. It was my last attempt and desperately trying to convince him to marry me. The words "Well now that I'm Mormon, we have a different timeline then normal couples, you should probably propose now...." came out of my mouth to him countless times.

I really hate to say this but before Michael I was a little too confident. I was very sure of myself. I thought guys didn't deserve me. I always thought I could do much better then who I was with. I "didn't need a man". When I met Michael I needed him, and I needed him desperately. I wanted to impress him and I wanted him to like me. I wanted him so badly because he was everything I thought I never wanted, and I still felt like I was supposed to be with him. He was everything I wanted to be myself. From the start and about 6-7 months into our relationship I was terrified Michael was "going to see me for who I really was" or who I, now previously, thought I was. After being baptized into the church, I did change. Michael did not change. My family was furious with me. People reamed me daily about my choice, told me I was in a cult, I was going to hell. I would say the change went from being very sad and desperate, to very angry, to being resentful and mean, to being distant and uninvolved. That last part is where our relationship completely shifted. Resentful, mean, distant and uninvolved.  I don't want to throw my husband under the bus, but when your then girlfriend is so hurt, she can't even look at you without getting angry and your the dead horse she is kicking, it changes the way you see her and intern, other girls. This completely shook me to my core.  This was NOT like him, there was a reason. This was someone I never knew he could be. Nonetheless, the reason was me. 

It took everything inside both of us to stay. It took countless nights of fighting, leaving and crying. It took months for the trust to be rebuilt on both our parts. Eventually, we were okay. We wanted to be with each other. I knew, marriage was not a good idea anymore, nor right now at least, and I gave up on that dream. Maybe marriage wasn't a good idea, but a puppy was. After a puppy was, a house was. 

The house.

One of the most incredibly stressful, heartbreaking months of my life. For the first time in a long time, Michael and I were on the same page. We wanted to start a life together, both of us were at the same place, finally. We found our dream home. We were pre-approved for our dream home. We went to every inspection. We met our neighbors. We stayed up late and dreamed of our future there. We bought furniture for there. We were, finally, planning our wedding there. 13 hours before we were supposed to move in, we got the most heartbreaking call. We actually didn't get the house. They we're sorry. We still had to pay. We didn't get all of our money back. It wasn't fair. I vividly remember in a cry/scream to him "Why...why does this always happen to US?! Why can't we ever just be HAPPY?!" 

Damage control set in and I had to find us a home. The next day I went out with our realtor again. I found our new dream home. We totally re-located our search from Phoenix to Gilbert. I found us our home without him. I was crying when I told him. We got the house. We again, 13 hours from moving in got a call. "Your home has been broken into, they took everything, I don't know when it will be fixed, but I'll let you know"...Why does this happen to us? Why can't we just be happy? We ended up waiting for it to be fixed, and our new home, was everything we ever wanted.

As awful and as painful as those 6 weeks were, we could not have done it without each other. After we got the news the house was done, Michael finally really proposed.

Life was so good again. 

Remember when I said up there that we were finally planning our wedding in that house? We really were. People bought plane tickets, bus fares, everything. Our wedding was to be on November 17th, 2013. After we didn't get the house, we devastatingly had to tell everyone the wedding was off. People still wanted to come though, for thanksgiving. 

Michael and I had tossed around ideas of just getting married in the bishops office while everyone was here just to "get it over with" and then post a picture saying "guess what?! we're married!" but Michael didn't like that idea. I didn't like the idea of living together before we were married because I knew it was against the churches rules. One day we were driving and I just blurted out reluctantly "You want me to plan a wedding for you? Because I can, if you really want me to". Much to my shock, he said yes. That was on November 13th 2013. It took 13 days to plan our wedding. With much help from our families and friends we did it. On November 26th 2013, I walked down the aisle, in a wedding dress, after my 7 perfectly shimmering bridesmaids, and his handsome groomsmen, at a gorgeous country club to my incredible husband, in his military uniform, with our bishop there surrounded by 125 of our closest family and friends. It was the most amazing night of my entire life. I cannot believe how far we have come. I cannot believe this is where we ended up.  We look back and our trials and seriously if we hadn't have had them, we would not be who we are today. Michael is, and I say this wholeheartedly, every single thing I could have ever asked for in my life. Looking back now I can only say "Why did this happen to us, of all people?! How the heck are we SO HAPPY?!"